Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
