True but thats because hes a fetus.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i think we sleep fucked last night...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
