wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink