tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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