me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO