Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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