If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
