just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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