sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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