I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
