I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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