no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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