My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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