What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
