So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
