yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
