sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
