I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
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