She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
