I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
