if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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