took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
