I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize