You're so nebulous sometimes
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
