I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
