This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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