why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
