So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
