I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
