guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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