Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
