When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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