We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
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Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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