At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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