Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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