dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
