i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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