So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
