i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
