Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
