Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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