hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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