My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
