Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
