p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
