So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
