so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
