You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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