I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
