i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
