Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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