i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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