im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
