I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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