I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize