Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
