I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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