he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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