i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
