It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
