HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
