I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
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All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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