Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
