Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
