Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
