I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
