It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
