I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize