Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
