There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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