I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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