I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I need moral support for this bender
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
