@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
