If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
