Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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