my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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