im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
