until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
