Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
