why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
