we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Randomize
