There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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