His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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