true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
