I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
