Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
