You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
