Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
