she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
