i just google imaged poop.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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