why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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