I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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