The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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