You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
